Duck Duck Cougar?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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