it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
