did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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