Pants 0. Shit 1.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
