College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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