I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
