I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
