Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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