Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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