it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
