I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
