i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
