it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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