final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
