My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
