Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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