he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
