tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
