My first STD was from a foam party
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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