Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had to cum in my sink.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
