I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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