shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
