So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
