is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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