uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
