I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
