Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
