No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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