She is in my trunk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
