the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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