Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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