It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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