I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
