after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
