i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
