He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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