I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...