She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
