Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off