we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.