At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.