I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
smell my finger.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way