So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
