belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
