you guys were way drunker than both of me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
