Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
