I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
