We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
