Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
