I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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