i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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