I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
