I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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