If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
