So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i believe in u and ur pee
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