You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
