Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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