We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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