Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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