just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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