you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
