So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
