Plan B is the new Plan A
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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