You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
