WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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