so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
