under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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