she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
