you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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