I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize