TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
