we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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