I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
