So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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