i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just invented taco cereal.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize