I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I currently don't understand fingers.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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