I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to align my fucking chakras
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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