Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
