Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
