I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
