I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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